KelseyWhittaker

On January 10, 2015, my world stopped spinning. I was hurt, confused, furious, and blinded by the idea that someone who meant so much could be swept away so quickly, so unexpectedly. That following year was a blur. It was so strange to adjust to a world without her, without something so sweet. College was mostly spent studying her loss through my art and photography - what loss meant, how I was affected by it, and how those I loved most were traumatized. Creating art was the only way I found myself to cope. Surprisingly, I found much comfort in studying old pictures - why we keep them and what they all meant. 

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I could count on my hand the number of photos that I have of Teresa. From what I understood, she did not like pictures or she was having too much fun to worry about taking pictures. I wholeheartedly wish I could go back in time and change her mind. I wish she would have gotten more pictures taken. I wish I would have taken more. With what photos I do have, I am able to SEE her. I can hear her laugh more vividly when I look at them. I can witness her relationship with my mom and how happy they were. I am reminded of the incredible memories I made with her myself - of her beautiful smile, those late Friday night talks in my mom’s kitchen, and her obsession with Christmas. Every single picture that I have of Teresa is something I will never get rid of - no matter how torn, how ripped, how small or how blurry - I will never get rid of them. She’s gone, but she lives beautifully in these photographs. 

 

I have come to a realization that my dreams to take pictures for the rest of my life thrive primarily on this idea and these thoughts of her. I want to give everyone the chance to document their lives for those around them - kids, parents, aunts and uncles, friends, grandparents, anyone and everyone who knows them. I want to create a small narrative for every family that I encounter that tells the story of the time in their life that they wanted me to document. Most importantly, I want to make sure that everyone has plenty of pictures. 

 

I never truly realized all of this until my last semester studying photography in Indianapolis. My favorite professor there constantly said, “You aren’t a true artist without true meaning. Search for your reason. Once you find it, your views of your art and your life will change.” I tried to understand why exactly I wanted to be a photographer. What did it mean to take a picture? Why are pictures so important? What IS a photograph?

 

One of my biggest reasons lies so simply in a photograph of her. Teresa, that smile of yours has influenced me so greatly. I’m infinitely thankful for you and what you’ve sparked in me. I will always love you.

 

The word "love" that is tattooed on the inside of my right wrist is scripted in her handwriting. This simple four-letter is a never-ending reminder of why I do what I do. 

 

If you’re still reading this please take pictures with those that you love. Take pictures to document what certain times you’re celebrating. They’re all important. They all matter. The second we lose someone - the second we lose something in our life that was so great - the only way we can literally see them again is through photography. Take a picture everyday. Store them safely. Print them out. Cover your house with them. Smile for them. Be goofy in them. Capture your life and those that are in it, just the way it is, before it’s too late.